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Why I Avoided My Second Therapy Appointment

 My first therapy appointment was like a breath of fresh air. A breath that I had been holding in for a long time, waiting until the perfect moment- the moment I was ready for healing.  I knew most of my life I needed help. I have been plagued with anxiety, bouts of depression, manic episodes, the darkest valleys and the scariest thoughts. When I was a teenager, I REALLY wanted therapy. I even told my best friend when I was 16 that I was having suicidal thoughts. I told her to tell no one. She of course told someone: the guidance counselor at our high school. I remember getting called from my classroom to the guidance counselor’s office. It was my first year at that school so I had no idea where it even was, and when I walked in I immediately thought I was in trouble. But I was welcomed with “Rachel, please sit. We have something serious to talk about.” The counselor asked how long I had suicidal thoughts, and I bursted out crying in her office. The years of pent up feelings that I was

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